You need to change this part into your back story, and if you were born on Xen, you would be very young. Once the necessary changes are made I will re-evaluate your application.

Krugerman12 wrote:


Finished the editing.

Gangster, the changes you have made are good but your back story is still some what vague. Could you please mention more about what your life was like before the black mesa incident, your experiences during the invasion, and what you were subjected to after being captured. Generally just fill in the needed gaps.

Once the changes are made I will re-evaluate your application.

You need to write more continuing on from when you were released onto the streets, your first experiences as a slave and the people you met along the way. Could you also improve on the torture section by including how the combine subjected vortiguants to harsh lessons in order to teach them how to speak English.

Once the requested topics are improved on I will re-evaluate your application.

Bump.

You are missing some important sections, try using this template to help with topics to cover.

Still some errors.

- Xen isnt a planet, but more like a border world between different planets.
- Vortiguants have been slaves for centurys, not just when they reached Xen.
- Ninilath was the vortiguant slave master long before Xen.
- Give your vortiguant a more reasonable height, they are not that tall in the Half Life 2 story.
- You left out your age, vortiguants live a lot longer than humans, but please put an age that makes sense for your characters personality.